The Merits of Alaska

My mother claims that she invented the phrase, although I do not remember her doing so. However, I do have a tendency to absorb things without knowing it, like a photographic memory of sorts. So maybe she did invent it.

The phrase to which I am referring is simple: "I'm moving to Alaska."

Why do I (or Mom) want to move to Alaska? The reasons are infinite. A few examples:

• In Alaska, you don't have to talk to people if you don't want to. That's because there aren't really that many people. And they'd have to trek through miles of snow to get to you anyway. So the likelihood that anyone will bother you is pretty slim.
• You can be fully self-sufficient. You can build your own home (igloo), make your own water (melt your igloo), create your own friends (snowmen or women), and you even have a natural refrigerator! (This is actually true. That Alone in the Wilderness guy did it.)
• Currently, I work at a bank. There aren't any banks in Alaska. When you want to buy something in Alaska, you just trade icicles with the local penguins. When you run out of icicles, you can melt some of your friends down and make more. And then you can make more friends. This means that a) I wouldn't have to deal with the stresses I have now, b) there will be no economy issues, and c) everything is renewable, including currency and companions. Alaska is a renewable resource.
• Levi Johnston, teenage father and aspiring pornstar/politician lives there. (Thanks Andy!)
• As a person with Multiple Sclerosis (did you forget what this blog was really about?), I am supposed to stay out of the heat. It can exacerbate exacerbations. I will not have this problem in Alaska.

My brother also tells people he wants to move to Alaska. I told him that he couldn't since I was moving there, but he made a compelling argument towards my allowing his move. If Tim moves to Alaska, and I move to Alaska, then we wouldn't HAVE to see each other, BUT we would have something to do, in case we get bored. We could avoid each other.

But for real, my friend from Alone in the Wilderness did move to Alaska on his own, and built his own house, and sent letters and home movies home to his family for years and years (in return, they sent him wool socks.) It's a fascinating film (compiled from those home movies, carefully edited, and narrated by his own letters and journals), which illustrates exactly what I wish I could experience. Except I want to do a lot less work. I am not interested in making my own doors and locks. I just want some solitude. Sometimes.